holiday-themed pickup lines

Babe ahoy!

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

Border Patrol I need to see what's south of your border.

cinco-de-mayoholiday-themed

Roses are red, violets are blue, your booty is fine, let's hang out.

valentines-dayholiday-themed

Oooooh say can you seeeeeeee / by the dawn's early light / me in your bed / with last night's sweat still gleaminnnnnng.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

I want to make you Cinco de My Own.

cinco-de-mayoholiday-themed

Dang girl don't you know it's Black Friday? Those pants should be 100% off.

black-fridayholiday-themed

My pinata could use a few whacks too.

cinco-de-mayoholiday-themed

Ooh, you look boo-tilicious!

halloweenholiday-themed

Nice beads. And I like your boobs, too.

mardi-gras-pick-up-linholiday-themed

You can be my mate but we won't be doing any running.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

Guy: No its a highlighter.....I use Becker wanna get naked?

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

I'm arresting you for breaking the 8th amendment because you...are excessively fine!

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

You must be excited for the one day of the year when your behavior makes sense.

mardi-gras-pick-up-linholiday-themed

Why’d you dress up as princess, when you could have simply come in plain clothes as the most beautiful girl at the Halloween party?

halloweenholiday-themed

Wanna form a more perfect union?

presidents-dayholiday-themed

Ever done it on a pile of artificial grass?

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

Let me hide my Easter eggs in you!

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

Girl you should've listed me as a deduction, cuz I am dependent on your love.

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

I've got something you can hang a wreath on.

christmasholiday-themed

Lassie, it's your ancestral duty to drive the snake out of my pants!

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

If scurvy isn’t contagious, I think we should go home together.

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

I'm a great bargain hunter.

black-fridayholiday-themed

My condom expires end 20__. Do you want to help me use it?

new-yearholiday-themed

Eres una angel? Porque…uh… want a beer?

cinco-de-mayoholiday-themed

Nice party hat. Wanna f*ck?

new-yearholiday-themed

Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?

christmasholiday-themed

My aunt is bringing her homemade cranberry sauce to our Thanksgiving dinner, and my uncle is bringing his blatant racism!

thanksgivingholiday-themed

There’s no trick in these pants.

halloweenholiday-themed

It's alive! It's alive! (Frankenstein)

halloweenholiday-themed

Boy: Are you my revenue?

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

You forgot to pay your income tax so I'm coming to seize your ASSets.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

I don’t have sea legs, but I can really hold my tequila.

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

You should dress up as a baker for Halloween with that set of buns.

halloweenholiday-themed

I just got some mistletoe, how about we go back to my place and try it out?

christmasholiday-themed

Wow. You're gorgeous. My new year's resolution is going to be to make you my girlfriend.

new-yearholiday-themed

Baby, you're so sweet, you put Hershey's outta business.

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

Come to this continent often?

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

I'm not a fan of Parliament. Unless, it's the band Parliament Funkadelic. Which doesn't mean anything to you right now, but you'll see what I'm talking about in a few hundred years. I'm from the future!

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

I checked the meat thermometer, and you’re officially one hot bird.

thanksgivingholiday-themed

The government is okay with 18 year old's and so am I!

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

I know its not Christmas, but Santa's lap is always ready.

christmasholiday-themed

I am a mean green machine

halloweenholiday-themed

Hey babe, even though I am an admiral, I'm definitely not all wet when it comes to romance.

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

Do you have any obligations for tonight? BC I'd love to take you home and we can retire those assets.

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

I like my men like the Mississippi River: long, strong, and ready to rock my boat.

mardi-gras-pick-up-linholiday-themed

Excuse me, but I think I dropped something. MY JAW!

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

I actually wrote 'the British are coming.' Well, I didn't write it per say, but I did say it once to one of my friends. And, it was pretty loud, so there's a good chance Revere heard it. So, I pretty much wrote it. Anyway, want to make out?

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

Let's drink beer and play with fireworks until somebody has a terrible accident!

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

Hey babe, ever wondered why I am the capital of Ohio?

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

Listen, I'd love to sleep with you, but it's tax day and I feel like I've already been screwed by an entire government agency.

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

Thanksgiving dinner isn’t the only thing that will make you wanna loosen your belt.

thanksgivingholiday-themed

I'm really great with tongues (Harry Potter)

halloweenholiday-themed

Mmm baby! You’re decomposing in ALL the right places!

halloweenholiday-themed

Even the Chocolate factory doesn't make candy as sweet as you.

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

Did you know there are 206 bones in the human body? Would you mind one more? (Skeleton)

halloweenholiday-themed

Yes, that is a candy cane in my pocket, and I am glad to see you.

christmasholiday-themed

Santa's lap isn't the only place wishes come true.

christmasholiday-themed

Trick or treat at my place and I guarantee you’ll get a full-size Snickers bar!

halloweenholiday-themed

Something is rising and it's not the national debt.Barack Obama

presidents-dayholiday-themed

Top of the morning. Wanna screw?

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

Looks like we're the only ones still standing... let's get out of here!

new-yearholiday-themed

Have you had enough to drink to believe I'm handsome and charming yet?

new-yearholiday-themed

Let's go for a bite. (Vampire)

halloweenholiday-themed

Columbus Day: the only day where white conservatives celebrate a Hispanic guy coming to America.

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

You can be my chocolate bunny. I'll start by nibbling on your ears and save your behind for last.

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

You can't put a price on love like ours.

black-fridayholiday-themed

Do you want to go back to my place and see what you’re defending?

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

When I look at you, I see more stars than the cast list in that Valentine's Day movie.

valentines-dayholiday-themed

Is that a banana in your pocket, or you just... carrying a musket because of the Quartering Act.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

So, what will it be - naughty or nice?

christmasholiday-themed

Baby, we need to get together before Christmas, because you can't spell "love" with No-el.

christmasholiday-themed

They should change the name of Thanksgiving to something more fitting like say, Turkeypocolypse or Stuffing-cide.

thanksgivingholiday-themed

You put the cream in my eggs.

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

Why wearing a mask when you could have gone in plain clothes as "Most Beautiful Woman" at the Masquerade Ball?

mardi-gras-pick-up-linholiday-themed

Everyday is Mardi Gras on the bayou.

mardi-gras-pick-up-linholiday-themed

Believe me if you ever saw it, you would even say it glows!

christmasholiday-themed

I can show you a brand new world.

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

Sir William Howe... are you doing?

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

I can give you something to really be thankful about!

thanksgivingholiday-themed

If you don't go on a date with me, the leprechauns have already won!

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

Wanna check out my mistletoe belt buckle?

christmasholiday-themed

You're the Light in my Corona.

cinco-de-mayoholiday-themed

You look so good, you’re making my man-bits rise from the dead.

halloweenholiday-themed

You look magically delicious, and I just happen to be a cereal lovemaker.

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

I've been directly elected to fill the vacancy in your senate!

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

Thanksgiving is great because people tend to speak less when food is lodged in their mouths.

thanksgivingholiday-themed

May the Avengers inspire you to drink superheroically this Cinco de Mayo.

cinco-de-mayoholiday-themed

Happy Turkey Day, America! Don't forget to name the turkey and make everyone uncomfortable.

thanksgivingholiday-themed

I'd do just about anything to see your GAAP.

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

Can I put my substance all over your form?

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

Is _____ (name of whatever she's drinking) the material weakness in your internal control?

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

Can I have a kiss on the cheek? I want to be able to say a gorgeous girl kissed me on Valentine's Day.

valentines-dayholiday-themed

Are you tinsel? Because I want you all over my tree

christmasholiday-themed

It’s Fleet Week! Wanna have a one-night stand… seven times?

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

I must be a snowflake, because I've fallen for you.

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

If you jingle my bells I'll promise you a white Christmas.

christmasholiday-themed

That’s a nice set of buns you got there, mind if I stick my foot-long there? (Hotdog)

halloweenholiday-themed

I'm having my own Mardi Gras celebration without the parades, beads or costumes.

mardi-gras-pick-up-linholiday-themed

I live in a hutch filled with vibrating cedar chips

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

Hey there lady, I got a hankering for G.R.I.T.S: Girls Raised In The South!

mardi-gras-pick-up-linholiday-themed

You're not Jewish, are you?

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

You are the reason Santa even has a naughty list

christmasholiday-themed

I heard there is a vampire on the loose you better stay with me tonight.

halloweenholiday-themed

You should try my famous candy-corn chowder. Wanna come over for dinner next Friday?

halloweenholiday-themed

Feliz cumpleanos?

cinco-de-mayoholiday-themed

Is that a bat in your pocket, or does my costume excite you?

halloweenholiday-themed

I hear this house is haunted… we better stick together.

halloweenholiday-themed

Do you celebrate Boxing Day? Because you're the whole package.

christmasholiday-themed

I take romance to a new level - I don't cuddle, I hibernate.

christmasholiday-themed

I'm in the mood to multiply, baby!

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

Me without you is like the Easter egg hunt without the Easter Eggs.

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

Kiss me, I'm salty!

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

Can I be your first mistake of the New Year?

new-yearholiday-themed

Because of my rights related to eminent domain, you have to compensate me for stealing my heart.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

I'm like a Christmas present - you'll love waking up to me in the morning.

christmasholiday-themed

Just two words? Blow me.Calvin Coolidge

presidents-dayholiday-themed

Someone said you were looking for me. I'm your new year's resolution.

new-yearholiday-themed

That pirate outfit looks really hot on you. Wanna search me for buried treasure?

halloweenholiday-themed

That mask is becoming on you. If it were me, I’d be coming too.

halloweenholiday-themed

Do you have a New Year's Resolution? I'm looking at mine right now.

new-yearholiday-themed

Can you pull this heart-shaped arrow out of my butt? A damn little kid with wings shot me.

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

Baby I can last for waaaayyyy more than 2 terms.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

Wanna role play? I'll be John Adams and you can be Abigail. They wrote very steamy love letters, you know.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

You complete me, literally. (Frankenstein)

halloweenholiday-themed

I would totally carve your pumpkin.

halloweenholiday-themed

I know when you've been bad or good...so let's skip the small talk!

christmasholiday-themed

Irish you were my lover.

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

Do you want to get some tuna fish and field mouse pudding?

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

So do you file electronically around here often?

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

I’ve this hunger inside of me that I’ve never felt in my entire life.

halloweenholiday-themed

My feelings for you is greater than the Black Friday line.

black-fridayholiday-themed

I don't have four leaves, but if you pluck me, I'll give you luck!

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

My last girlfriend and I had to call it off. I looked her right in the face and declared myself independent. Also, she was British. Want to make out?

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

I know milk does a body good, but baby, how much have you been drinking?

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

Interested in 50 shades of green?

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

Hey Baby, wanna find out why they call me "the King"?

mardi-gras-pick-up-linholiday-themed

Everyone keeps talking about this Kelly Green lady. Are you her? No? Then what is your name?

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

So, what do you turn into at midnight?

halloweenholiday-themed

Are you looking for a tree topper? Because I've been told I'm a star on top.

christmasholiday-themed

I gave up beer and beautiful strangers for Lent. Glad I'm not Catholic.

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

Do you really remember Cleopatra? I’ll make you forget her! (Vampire)

halloweenholiday-themed

Come back to my place - I'll give you a Peeps show.

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

How about I slip down your chimney at half past midnight?

christmasholiday-themed

Is your name Jingle Bells, cause you look like you go all the way.

christmasholiday-themed

My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me any time you want to.

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

I've got an option I'd like to exercise on those plan assets.

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

No taxation without representation! But, there is a kiss tax. Strictly enforced and right on the lips.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

Girl: Why?

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

I don't have a foot fetish, but I'm pretty into mistle-toe.

christmasholiday-themed

I was hoping you’re a sucker for a centerboard.

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

Trust me, I'm an accountant, I know how to manipulate firm assets

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

thanksgivingholiday-themed

Wanna meet Santa's little helper?

christmasholiday-themed

We were made for each other. (Frankenstein's bride)

halloweenholiday-themed

What do you say we spend the rest of our useful lives together?

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

Hey, Baby, did you know they call me PumpkinHead?

halloweenholiday-themed

Call me Rudolph, because you just sleighed me.

christmasholiday-themed

I'd give up my HD TV for a smooch from you.

black-fridayholiday-themed

That sombrero makes your butt look phenomenal.

cinco-de-mayoholiday-themed

Hey babe, can I see your Bermuda Triangle?

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

Gees, What cute kids. Would you like to go back to my place and practice.

halloweenholiday-themed

See this hook? Variable speed with five alternate attachments, Baby.

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

Do you hear jingle bells? No? Then I'll have to ignore the ring in my ears like I'm ignoring the ring on your finger.

christmasholiday-themed

Your such a treat that I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me.

halloweenholiday-themed

I could never Passover you.

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

This inquiry has been nice, but I'd like to do a walk through of your operations.

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

Everywhere else, it's just Tuesday

mardi-gras-pick-up-linholiday-themed

I can see a date in our future.

halloweenholiday-themed

I must be Columbus, because I'm going to explore you all night.

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

Hey there, have heard that rigor mortisis the new Viagra? (Zombie)

halloweenholiday-themed

I will go full-term in your oval office

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

Baby, I wanna liquidate your assets.

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

You read, white, and blew my mind.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

Don't tell me you're one of those 4th of July apologists. Just kidding, I don't think that's a thing. Thirsty?

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

Are you Cinco de Mayo? Cuz I'd like to think about you all night and forget about you tomorrow.

cinco-de-mayoholiday-themed

I caught a leprechaun today but I'll let you have him because he did his job: I was lucky enough to meet you.

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

Of course I like long walks by the moonlight. Just no cuddling by the fireplace. That reminds me of torches and angry mobs. (Frankenstein)

halloweenholiday-themed

Rest assured, I have a large enough staff for adequate coverage.

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

I'm done being a sole proprietor, let's form a partnership

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

IRS = I'm really sexy

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

It is getting cold. Your hands must be freezing. Want to come inside my tent? I know a great way to warm you up.

black-fridayholiday-themed

What's a nice girl like you doing on a naughty list like this?

christmasholiday-themed

How many Leprechauns does it take to break the ice? None, I'm [insert your name].

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

The moment I found you, my depreciation method changed from a double declining to a 150% declining balance

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

Baby how bout we leave this McDonald's and get started on that additional child tax credit?

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

I'll let you audit my assets if you let me audit yours. You'll be pleasantly surprised to see what's in my books.

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

Will you be my valentine?

valentines-dayholiday-themed

You’re like Thanksgiving dinner — delicious, satisfying, and after we’re done, I’ll probably fall asleep.

thanksgivingholiday-themed

Hey babe, did you know you are the perfect cure for seasickness?

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

Tell me, does the carpet match the powdered wig?

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

You make me hard.

halloweenholiday-themed

You have to smoke a couple of bowls before Thanksgiving dinner. I can't think of a better time to have the munchies.

thanksgivingholiday-themed

Why don’t you put down that second piece of pie, pretty pilgrim. I think it’s high time you discovered my Plymouth rock.

thanksgivingholiday-themed

I normally don't put all my eggs in one basket, but I'd love to be your honey bunny.

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

DO YOU KNOW HOW TO FIRE A CANON???

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

Nice pumpkins! And I like your boobs, too.

halloweenholiday-themed

I'm holding out for the good beads.

mardi-gras-pick-up-linholiday-themed

You look magically delicious and I just happen to be a cereal dater.

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

Let's heat up this Cold War.John F. Kennedy

presidents-dayholiday-themed

I was a Supreme Court Justice and a President. I'm pretty good at holding multiple positions.William Howard Taft

presidents-dayholiday-themed

I'll be honest with you. I'm like an Easter Bunny, delicious but hollow inside.

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

I want to ask you out, but I’ve got butterflies in my stomach. And worms. And maggots…

halloweenholiday-themed

You know what they say... Big Feet.

halloweenholiday-themed

You break my heart into 15 unique, chewable pieces... just like a Whitman's Sampler.

valentines-dayholiday-themed

Why don’t you come back to my place, and we can do some world shaking of our own.

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

I don’t mean to sound crass, but baby… I wanna buttah your biscuit.

mardi-gras-pick-up-linholiday-themed

Hey girl, do you want to make a double entry in my ledger account if you know what I mean.

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

Don't leave too early... the last thing I want to say to you before we part is 'good morning'.

new-yearholiday-themed

I like your wart, want to see a few of mine? (Witch)

halloweenholiday-themed

I will give you my heart and this other guy's heart.

halloweenholiday-themed

Once you go cupid, the rest are just stupid!

valentines-dayholiday-themed

You’re my pot of gold . . .and I’d like to make a deposit.

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

They call my bedroom the 14th colony.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

They can prohibit my alcohol, you intoxicate me enough.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

I asked Barack Obama if you and I could get together later, and he said "Yes, you can".Barack Obama

presidents-dayholiday-themed

You put my heart in double jeopardy

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

Please do not be alarmed if a big man wearing a red suit picks you up and throws you into a bag. (Why?) Because I asked for you for Christmas.

christmasholiday-themed

Your mausoleum or mine? (Frankenstein)

halloweenholiday-themed

I'm gonna have to make some adjustments to your bottom line

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

We are endowed by our creator with rights like life, liberty, and the pursuit of orgasm

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

May I ride your broomstick? I lost mine.

halloweenholiday-themed

Your treat or mine?

halloweenholiday-themed

I should recognize you as a capital lease because I will own you at the end of the day.

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

I put the “pump” in pumpkin pie.

thanksgivingholiday-themed

Like to play with my Halloween candy bag!

halloweenholiday-themed

You put the "ass" in "casserole"

thanksgivingholiday-themed

I wanna bob for your apples.

halloweenholiday-themed

This Valentine's Day, let's make like fabric softener and Snuggle.

valentines-dayholiday-themed

Pardon me for drooling, but without my jaw, I can't help myself.

halloweenholiday-themed

I'll have you exercising your right to free speech all night long

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

I'd like to put my worm in your tequila bottle.

cinco-de-mayoholiday-themed

If you reject me, you will send me on a trail of tears.Andrew Jackson

presidents-dayholiday-themed

I’d love to stuff your turkey, sweetheart.

thanksgivingholiday-themed

I can get a great deal on a fancy hotel room if I bring you with me.

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

They can't fit what I feel for you on a conversation heart.

valentines-dayholiday-themed

That's a great outfit. How can I get it 90% off?

black-fridayholiday-themed

Hi, I'm a zombie, can I eat you out?

halloweenholiday-themed

You are the best Black Friday of my life.

black-fridayholiday-themed

You don't need to wait until the next session, you can give me a raise any time.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

I'm just like an Easter bunny - sweet, but hollow on the inside.

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

The powers of the federal government aren't the only things that need separated.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

How about sitting on my lap and seeing what pops up?

christmasholiday-themed

If you have an anchor tattoo on your bicep, I will seriously marry you this second.

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

I'll show you my corpus if you show me yours!

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

I can't prove feasibility in this relationship. I have to write you off.

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

I'd start a revolution for your number.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

Listen I don't know what the hell an S corporation is, but I know I want to buy you a drink.

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

Tip o' the Trojan to ye!

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

How about you and me taking a voyage to Motel-6?

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

I'm glad there's freedom of religion because I worship you.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

Irish you were naked.

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

Arrrr. Wanna search me for buried treasure (Pirate)

halloweenholiday-themed

Skip the Black Friday line. You can have me for free.

black-fridayholiday-themed

That skeleton over there wanted to ask you for your number, but, unlike me, he didn’t have the guts.

halloweenholiday-themed

My goodwill may be intangible, but my fixed assets are rock solid.

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

You’re giving me shivers… and not because of that costume.

halloweenholiday-themed

Girl, you make my crotch rise from the dead.

halloweenholiday-themed

I will eat you out. (Hannibal)

halloweenholiday-themed

Hello, I am the answer to you’re prayers. (Angel)

halloweenholiday-themed

Want to really freak someone out? Add 2 extra turkey legs to the turkey when it's in the oven.

thanksgivingholiday-themed

That's not a candy cane in my pocket. I'm just glad to see you!

christmasholiday-themed

Let's get stuck in a bathtub together.William Howard Taft

presidents-dayholiday-themed

You are so beautiful that you give the sun a reason to shine.

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

I’ll put the wind in your sails if you raise my mast.

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

Pardon me. I hate to interrupt, but you’ve captured my eye. Could I have it back? It’s the only one I’ve got, to fall in love with you at first sight.

halloweenholiday-themed

Excuse me, you just dropped something - my jaw.

valentines-dayholiday-themed

When I look at you, I see more stars than there are in the movie Valentine's Day.

valentines-dayholiday-themed

Let’s head back to your place, since I’m going there anyway. (Devil)

halloweenholiday-themed

I'm not above using obscure Mexican battles to justify my drinking.

cinco-de-mayoholiday-themed

Call me a pirate and give me that booty

halloweenholiday-themed

You're by far the prettiest girl here. The 'Liberty bell' of the ball.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

Excuse me, I'd like to have kids someday, and I wanted to know how your parents created such a beautiful creature.

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

Let's go out again so we can share a pot of gold. Tequila gold, that is.

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

Your name must be Danny Boy, cause your pipe is calling me.

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

Got anyone to kiss at midnight?

new-yearholiday-themed

Is that a cherub in your pants or are you just happy to see me?

valentines-dayholiday-themed

I'm having a sale in my bedroom. My clothes are 100% off.

black-fridayholiday-themed

Hey babe, what do ya say we go back to my cubicle and fondle each other's PBCs.

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

Why don't you be like St. Patrick and drive the snake out of my pants?

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

Throw me beads for a peak at these.

mardi-gras-pick-up-linholiday-themed

Shouldn't you be sitting on top of my tree, Angel?

christmasholiday-themed

You can pay the poll tax personally with me.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

If you were a jack-o'-lantern, I'd totally light your candle.

halloweenholiday-themed

Mmm cranberry sauce.

thanksgivingholiday-themed

Meeting you is like finding the baby in the King Cake. Reward with good luck.

mardi-gras-pick-up-linholiday-themed

The world is round.

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

For a lot of thick white girls, every Friday is Black Friday.

black-fridayholiday-themed

Black Friday is best enjoyed by deleting names of people who sent stupid thanksgiving messages.

black-fridayholiday-themed

Let’s go out and BOTH drink like sailors.

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

Let's make like Carnegie and horizontally integrate.Chester A. Arthur

presidents-dayholiday-themed

Are you from Mexico? Cuz you look like you belong under me.

cinco-de-mayoholiday-themed

You're so sweet, you could put Hershey's out of business.

valentines-dayholiday-themed

If you’re looking for dry land, you may be disappointed later.

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

Hey, sailor. Got any sweater vests that need bedazzling?

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

There's an Easter parade in my pants... wanna go?

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

I don’t know what the trick is, but you certainly are a treat.

halloweenholiday-themed

Next year without you would be like a broken pencil. Pointless.

new-yearholiday-themed

To the cute zombie: You look dead sexy. Mostly dead, but still sexy.

halloweenholiday-themed

Now that's what I call a stimulus packageBarack Obama

presidents-dayholiday-themed

I'll hook up with you this Cinco de Mayo if you refrain from calling me a hot tamale.

cinco-de-mayoholiday-themed

Baby, your not just another journal entry, you balance my books.

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

Madam: So said who? The man with the very small bank account balance?

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

The grand jury in my pants is waiting to try you.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

Hey baby, I heard that rabbits, can make 150 babies a year, how many do you think we can make in an hour?

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

I’m no vampire but I’m fine with getting no sleep and biting your neck all night.

halloweenholiday-themed

Is your name "Kwanzaa"? Because I'd love to do you for a whole week.

christmasholiday-themed

Ever made out on a pile of artificial grass?

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

Hey girl, if I was an accountant, then you just accrued my love.

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

Are your assets temporarily or permanently restricted? BC I'd spare no expense to unrestrict them

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

You’re the only girl I'd ever share my secret method to moist turkey with!

thanksgivingholiday-themed

Hey babe, want to take a ride on my Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria?

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

Let's celebrate Columbus day by walking into someone's house and telling them we live there now.

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

R U Mine? *Start blasting Arctic Monkeys*

valentines-dayholiday-themed

Let me tell you somethin: if you're filing with me? You're definitely filing a…'10-40.'

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

I'm a real master baster.

thanksgivingholiday-themed

Who am I to judge a woman because she has two left feet? (Frankenstein)

halloweenholiday-themed

You must have been born in Pearl Harbor, because baby you da bomb

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

Your costume looks complicated. Need help taking it off?

halloweenholiday-themed

You're not just some bunny... you're my bunny.

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

If I help you screw Uncle Sam, can I be next?

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

I know Benjamin Franklin.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

You should come back to my place and meet my pussy.

halloweenholiday-themed

This was just a sale-leaseback.

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

Yes, it's a shillelagh in my pocket, and, yes, I am happy to meet you.

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

Yeah it's pretty trickyRichard Nixon

presidents-dayholiday-themed

My love for you is like hot chocolate, I just can't hold on to it.

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

For the first time, we are going to have a HAPPY Thanksgiving. This year, I am stuffing the turkey with Prozac!

thanksgivingholiday-themed

Hey babe, did you know I'm a better lover than Ferdinand Magellan?

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

I don’t want your candy, what I really want is your number.

halloweenholiday-themed

The only thing you gave me this Valentine's Day was a cavity.

valentines-dayholiday-themed

Hey girl, we’ll only be able to see each other on Sundays for the next few weeks… I’m giving up sweet things for Lent.

mardi-gras-pick-up-linholiday-themed

Going on a date with me is WAY better than eating a bag of those weird, chalky heart candies with sayings on them.

valentines-dayholiday-themed

I thought your smile was the shimmer from a pot of gold so I followed it and found something as bright and beautiful as a rainbow at the end: YOU.

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

Oh Santa Maria!

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

Mardi Gras, baby. Time when all manner of weird shit cuts loose and parties down?

mardi-gras-pick-up-linholiday-themed

You have a boyfriend? Have you ever given any thought to seceding from him? I get not wanting to cheat. I'm also a loyalist.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

Wanna take a look at my meat thermometer?

thanksgivingholiday-themed

I'll show you where Easter eggs come from — you may be surprised!

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

Do you wanna eat a box of chocolates or me?

valentines-dayholiday-themed

Black Friday is so hypocritical. one day you're thankful for everything you have then the next day you're fighting over TV's & stuff on sale

black-fridayholiday-themed

You have spent two non-consecutive terms in my heart.Grover Cleveland

presidents-dayholiday-themed

Girl, are you a tax accountant? Cus you make file for an extension

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

I think we should swap some liquid assets.

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

I may not have four leaves, but if you kiss me, I'll bring you luck!

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

I'm like fireworks: smokin', fun, and illegal in many states. Also, there are some really creepy billboards about me on the interstate.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

I will make you scream.

halloweenholiday-themed

If your left leg is Thanksgiving and your right leg is Christmas, can I come visit you between the holidays?

christmasholiday-themed

Wanna be my mardi gras costume and get up all over me?

mardi-gras-pick-up-linholiday-themed

Dear Turkeys, don't worry... they only love us for our breasts too. Sincerely, women.

thanksgivingholiday-themed

Push, shovel, grab, tackle, and yell.

black-fridayholiday-themed

Nurse, can I have a little sugar to help the medicine go down. (Nurse)

halloweenholiday-themed

Hey, let me take you out on a first date in the snow - I promise I'm not a flake-y person.

christmasholiday-themed

I've got a little something for you to gobble on.

thanksgivingholiday-themed

I'll show you my "bits" if you promise not to "byte".

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

S.O.S. (I’m Sold On Sailors.)

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

Tying the legs together will keep the inside moist.

thanksgivingholiday-themed

Can I call you my boo?

halloweenholiday-themed

If you were a tree, you'd be an evergreen, because I bet you look this good year-round.

christmasholiday-themed

Black Friday reminds me so much of bowling because the people ahead of me remind me of the pins that I wish to knock out.

black-fridayholiday-themed

Careful, don't run too fast, or you might just trample my heart.

black-fridayholiday-themed

Nice wrapping but I need to inspect it.

christmasholiday-themed

Hey, Baby do you want to see what tricks my treat could do with you in them!

halloweenholiday-themed

I want to put my Tootsie Roll in your basket.

halloweenholiday-themed

I'll show you where Easter eggs come from - you may be surprised!

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

Listen to them, children of the night. Let’s give them some competition.

halloweenholiday-themed

Please, I've been at sea for five months, I beg you!

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

You're a good egg.

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

Baby, I'm a necrophiliac. How good are you at playing dead?

halloweenholiday-themed

Why don’t we go somewhere where I can stick a candle in your jack-o-lantern?

halloweenholiday-themed

Halloween is the night of darkness. But you are brighter than an angel.

halloweenholiday-themed

Let's say we go back to my place. You put on a wig, I'll call you 'Tory.'

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

I've been in public practice for several years, and that's easily the largest endowment I've ever seen.

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

If you ask me if I love you I'll have to plead the 5th. Don't want to incriminate myself.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

Drink up! It's Mardi Gras.

mardi-gras-pick-up-linholiday-themed

Now you don't need a penis to vote…but you can still borrow mine.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

When you're around.

thanksgivingholiday-themed

Pretend you are the constitution and call me daddy

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

How many gold doubloons for a lap dance?

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

We'll have a balance on powers. You can be on top.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

Hey babe, this torpedo will be in your ass soon.

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

Black Friday night landed me with medical bills that cost me more than what I saved.

black-fridayholiday-themed

Laissez les bons temps rouler.

mardi-gras-pick-up-linholiday-themed

I'd love to stuff your turkey, sweetheart.

thanksgivingholiday-themed

You are what I want for Christmas.

christmasholiday-themed

Baby, you are like a Black Friday deal... worth the wait.

black-fridayholiday-themed

I didn’t know that my favorite Halloween treat came in life size!

halloweenholiday-themed

Wanna scissor? (A Nightmare on Elm Street film )

halloweenholiday-themed

Do you bleach your teeth? ‘Cause your smile lights up the entire room like a candle in the dark. Let's go prove it.

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

My lips are like the Blarney Stone - kiss them for good luck.

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

Hey Cinderella, must be time I took you home. It’s nearly midnight!

halloweenholiday-themed

I want Black Friday prices and short lines everyday.

black-fridayholiday-themed

Hey babe, want to give new meaning to the phrase ‘sleeping with the fishes'?

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

I'm tired of this old broom. Got anything else I can ride?

halloweenholiday-themed

They don't call me Rough Rider for nothing.Theodore Roosevelt

presidents-dayholiday-themed

Forget the wearing of the green and let's get right to the wearing of your ass like a hat!

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

Remember that Mardi Gras we fell in love? You will next year.

mardi-gras-pick-up-linholiday-themed

Madame: ah!

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

I’ve got a rubber mask and you’ve got the candy- let’s go trick or treating.

halloweenholiday-themed

Wanna find out how many licks it takes to get to the center of my Tootsie Pop?

halloweenholiday-themed

The Gettysburg Address was short, but I know something that isn't.Abraham Lincoln

presidents-dayholiday-themed

Listen honey, being with me is so good it's taxable.

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

St. Patrick blessed me with luck today because I stumbled upon someone as hot as you.

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

Ouch! My big teeth hurt! [Why?] Because you are soooo sweet!

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

Wanna get naked and watch 1776 (that musical about the signing of The Declaration of Independence)?

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

When I saw you walk in, I got so hot, my skin melted. Literally. Around here, it’s an “in” look.

halloweenholiday-themed

What do you say we make this a "not-so-silent" night?

christmasholiday-themed

At this point, I’ll take anything. (Prisoner)

halloweenholiday-themed

I'd love to amortize your discount on bonds payable.

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

God I love a man in…my neighborhood bar.

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

I’ll put my John Hancock on your bar tab if you hang out with me for a while.

presidents-dayholiday-themed

That is not a burrito in my pocket.

cinco-de-mayoholiday-themed

Kiss me if I'm wrong, but it's 20__ now, right?

new-yearholiday-themed

Hey sexy! may I drop my anchor into your island?

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

I have been waiting behind you in line for four hours. Nice ass.

black-fridayholiday-themed

I want a taste of your gumbo.

mardi-gras-pick-up-linholiday-themed

I'd try to give you a fair trial but you have no peers.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

I'll be your slave, it's okay, it's not involuntary.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

Did it hurt? When you got shot by cupid's arrow.

valentines-dayholiday-themed

Good tidings aren't the only thing I can give you.

christmasholiday-themed

Little known fact: St. Patrick invented green beer, peeing in the street and awkward introductions. Hi, I'm [insert name].

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

So, how do you feel about things in arrears?

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

On Thanksgiving Day, all over America, families sit down to dinner at the same moment ..... halftime.

thanksgivingholiday-themed

If I were a zombie, I’d eat you first.

halloweenholiday-themed

Love for sale: $9.99 for a smoking hot night.

black-fridayholiday-themed

Hey babe, I'd like to discover you as much as I discovered America.

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

I am drawn to your light. (Mothman)

halloweenholiday-themed

Wanna role play? I’ll be John Adams and you can be Abigail. They wrote very steamy love letters, you know.

presidents-dayholiday-themed

I'd be delighted if you shared this magical pot of gold with me.

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

He may have a nice car but I have a fast sleigh.

christmasholiday-themed

I can get you off the Naughty List.

christmasholiday-themed

It's Easter - Jesus came back from the dead today. I think we can make this work!

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

What happens at Mardi Gras, stay at mardi gras!

mardi-gras-pick-up-linholiday-themed

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A SHARK???

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

I've checked it twice, and I'm sure you're on my "naughty" list.

christmasholiday-themed

I’d love to get you in my gravy boat.

thanksgivingholiday-themed

I'm excited about Thanksgiving because I love unwelcome parenting advice from relatives I see twice a year.

thanksgivingholiday-themed

Hope your Turkey is moist and your stuffing in fluffy and when you're done eating you'll be nice and stuffy.

thanksgivingholiday-themed

Excuse me but I'm looking for weapons of ass destruction.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

Money can't buy happiness but it can buy crawfish and that's sort of the same thing.

mardi-gras-pick-up-linholiday-themed

If someone advertises a Black Friday beer sale I will camp out until I freeze

black-fridayholiday-themed

Hey girl! You’re like an island where everyone wants to dock his ship.

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

I've got something special in the sack for you!

christmasholiday-themed

I'd like to get caught in a revolving door with you.

black-fridayholiday-themed

Hey baby, you should see my other sailor moon costume.

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

My poppy is the King.

mardi-gras-pick-up-linholiday-themed

Hey, baby. Do you like Black Friday? Because it’s always black in my man cave.

black-fridayholiday-themed

Listen, I've been auditing your body all night, and it is in damn fine standing.

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

Wanna meet the foreman of my jury?

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

Tonight's menu: Chocolate, candy hearts and you.

valentines-dayholiday-themed

When Columbus came to America there wasn't any government. Look how far we've come.

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

I would line up outside Walmart for you on Black Friday.

black-fridayholiday-themed

Can you help me navigate my way around that Wonderbra?

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

What do potatoes and I have in common? We both have eyes for you and we both want to hit the sack!

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

Interested in seeing the "North Pole"? (Well, that's what the Mrs. calls it)

christmasholiday-themed

Baby, you be Panama. And Imma underpay Irish workers to dig a trench through you.Theodore Roosevelt

presidents-dayholiday-themed

Hello Boo-tiful

halloweenholiday-themed

Can I be your external control?

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

I'll proclaim your Emancipation all night long.Abraham Lincoln

presidents-dayholiday-themed

If you come back to my place, I'll give you a 'peeps' show.

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

Some of my best toys run on batteries...

christmasholiday-themed

The inauguration of the new president may come quickly but I won't!

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

Why the hell don't liquor stores have Black Friday sales?

black-fridayholiday-themed

Care to see me turn my dingy into a yacht?

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

This would be really awkward if you were British.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

EVERY day is "Black Friday" if you're a Kardashian.

black-fridayholiday-themed

Hey baby, are you ready for your trial? I'm afraid it has to be a speedy one.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

Well, here I am. What were your other two wishes?

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

Let's play pilgrims and native Americans; I'll lure you over under false pretenses and we'll feast.

thanksgivingholiday-themed

I don't want your beads, what I really want is your number.

mardi-gras-pick-up-linholiday-themed

Can I, like, annex you?

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

Your stocking isn't the only thing I'll be stuffing tonight...

christmasholiday-themed

That is quite a booty you’ve got there. (Pirate)

halloweenholiday-themed

I have incredibly liquid assets right now, and they're dying to get a good return.

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

I'd appreciate it if you kissed me today even if it's just based on my ethnicity.

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

Those juicy breasts are making me hungry!

thanksgivingholiday-themed

Hello. I would like to celebrate you nationwide and regionally in Mexico.

cinco-de-mayoholiday-themed

On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight?

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

You wanna take a ride on my broomstick?

halloweenholiday-themed

If you're scared of catching a cold you can always come sleep in my tent.

black-fridayholiday-themed

I'll put my John Hancock on your bar tab if you hang out with me for a while.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

You know what's on the Valentine's Day menu? Me-n-u.

valentines-dayholiday-themed

Excuse me, can you tell me if my boat shoes are, like, regulation?

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

You don't have to wait for succession, you're first in line for me.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

My foot isn't the only part of me that's lucky!

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

When I see you my main sail raises.

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

So you actually kissed the Blarney Stone? Tongue or no tongue?

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

I choo-choo-choose you.

valentines-dayholiday-themed

You're wearing green, I'm wearing green, we have so much in common that we should get together and go out sometime.

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

Are you dressed up as a tree? Cause you’re giving me wood.

halloweenholiday-themed

Oh say can you see... me in your bed tonight

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

If you're incapacitated can I have a list of you next 3 hottest friends?

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

I'm being managed by Don King again

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

Hey babe, I'm definitely not a half-mast guy.

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

I see you waiting in line too. I can help you kill some time.

black-fridayholiday-themed

The only thing better than this party is the Revolutionary Party! Am I right? Also, the Tea Party was pretty cool if I'm being honest. And, I want to be honest with you.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

That's not a compass in my pocket, I'm just glad to see you.

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

I’m not a sailor, but I have lots of STDs like one.

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

Yo quiero dat ass!

cinco-de-mayoholiday-themed

There's only one cavity that I want to stuff, if you know what I mean.

thanksgivingholiday-themed

I didn't find any weapon of mass destruction, but I did find you.George W. Bush

presidents-dayholiday-themed

You know I would love to show you the toys my elves make for adults.

christmasholiday-themed

Please say you love me for my bodies again. (Frankenstein)

halloweenholiday-themed

I should have dressed up as a ghost tonight so I could let you under my sheets.

halloweenholiday-themed

If you declare me sovereign of your pants I promise I can do no wrong.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

Girl you meet all my criteria, so you better believe I am going to capitalize.

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

Not even Katrina could stop Mardi Gras.

mardi-gras-pick-up-linholiday-themed

Hey girl, I’d like to ring your southern bell.

mardi-gras-pick-up-linholiday-themed

Every Friday was Black Friday to me.

black-fridayholiday-themed

Maybe the Washington Redskins could celebrate Columbus Day by giving up their team name.

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

Baby if I take you home? It's an experience you ain't gonna be writing off anytime soon.

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

I believe all lady parts deserve equal representation

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

I am staying home on Black Friday. How about you?

black-fridayholiday-themed

Are you interested in seeing the "North Pole"?

christmasholiday-themed

There is a special place in hell for people that play Christmas music before Thanksgiving.

thanksgivingholiday-themed

How would you win over the heart of a patriot?

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

My love for you is like a fruitcake during the holidays - nutty, spicy and unavoidable, no matter how hard you try.

christmasholiday-themed

Top of the morning to you. Beg your pardon, I'd like to be on top of you in the morning.

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

You be Yankee Doodle, I'll be the pony.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

My dad's a doctor, ya know? (Frankenstein)

halloweenholiday-themed

Tonight I will be exercising my freedom of assembly…outside your bedroom window.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

You must love Halloween! You don’t need to change to dress up as an angel.

halloweenholiday-themed

I'm not trying to impress you or anything, but… I'm The Easter Bunny!

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

Hablas Espanola? No matter — my love needs no translation.

cinco-de-mayoholiday-themed

After I'm done with your assets you'll have to test for impairment

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

Guy : Hey girl! What say we go back to your place and I Audit your Assets?

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

Give me your panties or give me death.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

St. Patrick's Day is like Valentine's Day with beer, so let's drink to love.

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

I'm in the mood to multiply.

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

You are so fine, I wish I could plant you and grow a whole field of you!

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

Your clearance rack looks awesome, if ya know what I mean.

black-fridayholiday-themed

I see you when you're sleeping & you don't wear any underwear...

christmasholiday-themed

Get ready to man your torpedo, sailor.

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

Let me press myself against you, you can't stop me…it's my constitutional right.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

Kiss me, I'm Irish.

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

You must be part leprechaun because everything you touch turns to gold.

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

Let's be like the original thirteen colonies AND MULTIPLY.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

You've got the juiciest breasts in town.

thanksgivingholiday-themed

When we get back to my place I'm going to do everything to you that your government can't.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

I want a taste of your Milky Way.

halloweenholiday-themed

Hey, Are you made of candy? (Why?) because you look sooo sweet!

halloweenholiday-themed

Hey babe, I want to be captain of your ship.

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

I've got you on my "nice and naughty" list!

christmasholiday-themed

Screw the nice list, I've got you on my "nice and naughty" list!

christmasholiday-themed

I can’t find a costume for Halloween, so can I just go as your boyfriend?

halloweenholiday-themed

The idiot bartender served us one too many of these traditional Irish beers, I think it's pronounced Gih-ness. You want it?

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

I like milk and cookies but I would rather have you.

christmasholiday-themed

Do you like the song "Jingle Bells"? Because you look like you go all the way!

christmasholiday-themed

I'm on a hunt - for your number.

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

I got two one-way tickets to New Orleans. You won’t want to leave when you get this lucky.

mardi-gras-pick-up-linholiday-themed

You have the right to protest but I don't think you'll want to.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

Is it true what they say about the size of a man’s canine teeth?

halloweenholiday-themed

How about that George Grenville? What a boob!

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

My teeth aren't all that's wood right now.

presidents-dayholiday-themed

Are you 1040EZ? Cause need to fill you in

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

Hey pumpkin – I bet I can put a smile on your face.

halloweenholiday-themed

I never understood why the Lions and Cowboys always get to play on Thanksgiving. Shouldn't the Patriots play the Redskins, and then steal their stadium.

thanksgivingholiday-themed

That’s a nice Witch costume, but you won’t be needing the broom anymore, because you’ve already swept me off my feet.

halloweenholiday-themed

Wanna pet my Irish setter. You're making him stand at attention.

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

Want to viva la Mexi-Go back to my place?

cinco-de-mayoholiday-themed

I'm gonna Barack your world!Barack Obama

presidents-dayholiday-themed

I'm an animal in the bedroom. (Werewolf)

halloweenholiday-themed

Is that Cupid in your pocket, or do you just have weirdly shaped pants?

valentines-dayholiday-themed

That's a nice 20__ dress! Can I talk you out of it?

new-yearholiday-themed

You look cold. Want to use me as a fur jacket?

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

Hey beautiful, did you know that sex toys are deductible this year?

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

I'm not ready for this projected benefit obligation.

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

I'm really good with my organ. (Phantom of the Operas)

halloweenholiday-themed

Are you a British Loyalist? Because you're making me rethink this whole "independence" thing.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

Look, Jesus came back from the dead today. I think we can make this work.

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

I'd melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

valentines-dayholiday-themed

I like to delay my score release so you can enjoy some tension.

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

You don't need Thanksgiving to hate your family.

thanksgivingholiday-themed

Girl: I'm a MACRS 150 kind of girl, sorry.

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

I'm hoping to get lucky with a real blonde so would you lift up your skirt and show me if you have a pot of gold.

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

If you wake up in a box tomorrow morning, it's cause I asked for the sexiest person in the world for Christmas.

christmasholiday-themed

Let the Good Times Roll.

mardi-gras-pick-up-linholiday-themed

Did my eyes just turn green? Because when I see you, I feel like I'm getting lucky.

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

I know I'm not a 99 or even an 85. I'm a 75, will you take me for who I am?

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

Coffee, tea or love potion number 9?

valentines-dayholiday-themed

Do you know hop? Because your body is really kickin'.

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

The government gives you the right to bare your arms but I give you the right to bare everything else.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

I have a great relationship with my mother… country.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

Be mine because you're fine.

valentines-dayholiday-themed

Wanna Scrooge?

christmasholiday-themed

Lets try and make this triple bottom line.

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

What do you say we go behind this rock and seal the deal.

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I near ENron so we could take it down together.

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

You can call me Tryptophan, because you'll be all sleepy after I'm done with you!

thanksgivingholiday-themed

In my office, "I.R.S." stands for 'I'm really sexy.'

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

Don't toy with my Heart (Chucky)

halloweenholiday-themed

It doesn't take a Guinness to realize you're the best-looking guy/girl here.

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

Hey baby, looks like your boat needs some seamen…and I have the perfect crew.

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often. -Johnny Carson

thanksgivingholiday-themed

I’m a handsome prince and my sword is no trick.

halloweenholiday-themed

I consider it is my duty to debunk the popular misconception that you are flat.

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

There's too much power in my pants that needs to be balanced. Will you help me release it?

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

The Constitution limits the powers of the government but the powers of my pants are unlimited!

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

I'm like the Vietnam War. Way longer than you thought I'd be.Lyndon B. Johnson

presidents-dayholiday-themed

Did you put Snickers in your valentines? Because you satisfy me.

valentines-dayholiday-themed

Bring on the beer and beads!

mardi-gras-pick-up-linholiday-themed

I gave up being single for lent. Wanna help me out.

mardi-gras-pick-up-linholiday-themed

I don't care if you're rich or poor because I will make your cash flow.

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

No baby, this ain't my flashlight...

black-fridayholiday-themed

Damn, girl, you’ve got some fine yams.

thanksgivingholiday-themed

What up, would it offend you if I humped your leg? (Werewolf)

halloweenholiday-themed

Cute hat. It would look even better on your head, between my legs.

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

Let' put the screw back in screwdriver.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

I don't normally put all my eggs in one basket, but I wanna be your number one bunny, honey.

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

Wanna see my 12-inch elf?

christmasholiday-themed

Want to break the wishbone? I’m wishing for a date with you.

thanksgivingholiday-themed

18 year old's can exercise their rights in government and on me!

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

I bought you 12 roses for Valentine's Day - 11 real and 1 fake. I will love you until all of them die and wilt away.

valentines-dayholiday-themed

Sir: huh!

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

I’m trying to work up the nerve to ask you out, but I’ve got butterflies in my stomach. And worms. And maggots.

halloweenholiday-themed

Please come home with me. You never know what I’ll turn into, at midnight!

halloweenholiday-themed

I’ve got a little something for you to gobble on.

thanksgivingholiday-themed

Hey Cutie, ever do it in a sleigh?

christmasholiday-themed

Oh, a Cinco de Mayo Party? Tell me again where in Mexico you're from?

cinco-de-mayoholiday-themed

Is that some candy in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

halloweenholiday-themed

Please baby, let me withhold you.

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

Nice assets.

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

The verdict is in; you are hot

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

While some of your assets are obviously not impaired, I'm afraid your major asset will turn out to be immaterial.

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

Wanna Multiply?

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

I don't normally like girls who wear red coats. But, for you I'll make an exception.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

I'm head over heels for you. (Headless Horseman)

halloweenholiday-themed

Baby, I'm burning for you.

halloweenholiday-themed

Hey baby, you make my shamrock shake.

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

If I had you, I wouldn't need to use my Handbook.

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

My name isn't Sully, but you could be my Boo.

halloweenholiday-themed

Meeting you is like getting the best deal without waiting in the Black Friday lines.

black-fridayholiday-themed

Black Friday. You know what? I don't see color. I just see people. I will be calling it Friday.

black-fridayholiday-themed

Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa exactly what I want for Christmas?

christmasholiday-themed

Wanna go judge couples based on their body language with me?

valentines-dayholiday-themed

I have the stamina of a jolly, fat man - I can go all night long.

christmasholiday-themed

Are we head-to-wind? Because I think I luff you…

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

Come on! Let's drink green beer. Let's do green jello shots. Where is your St. Patrick's Day spirits?

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

I'll be your "alentine" for now, you'll need to give me the "V" after dinner.

valentines-dayholiday-themed

Let's go do the Macarena in my bedroom naked.

cinco-de-mayoholiday-themed

That fool/joker over there said he'd get your number for me, but he didn't have the guts, so here I am.

mardi-gras-pick-up-linholiday-themed

Baby, you're a firework.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

I understand you're catholic, so pull down my zipper and I'll introduce you to my holy trinity.

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

If your legs are Christmas and New Years, can i visit you between the holidays?

christmasholiday-themed

The Continental Congress decreed 'all men are created equal.' But, they didn't say anything about 'all women being created equal.' Because girl, you are too fine!

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

Guy: "Thats right Girl... Benefits while maintaining Independence

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

Well, lass, we're the only ones still standing. How about a go?

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

If I had you, I wouldn't need to perform so many manual entries

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

I can think of better place to pour champagne.

new-yearholiday-themed

I could work with the elves in the ribbon-tying department because I'm a pretty knotty girl.

christmasholiday-themed

Let me be the first commander-in-chief of your heart.George Washington

presidents-dayholiday-themed

How do you like your eggs? Would you like to come over for breakfast?

new-yearholiday-themed

Would you like to come to my place and light my Yule log?

christmasholiday-themed

You have the right to bear me in your arms.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

Wanna help me have a deeper understanding of my great sin?

mardi-gras-pick-up-linholiday-themed

Black Friday = The Day People Spend Money They Don't Have On Things They Don't Need.

black-fridayholiday-themed

Use a cinema classic as you clink glasses: "Here's lookin' at you, kid."

new-yearholiday-themed

How 'bout we do it double entry

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

What do you say we go back to my place for some agreed upon procedures?

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

When we touch, it's electric

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

Got beads?

mardi-gras-pick-up-linholiday-themed

Normally I am strictly IFRS but for you I'd switch to GAAP because you are extraordinary

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

I'm Irish, wanna taste my lucky charms?

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

This turkey looks great. So are you a breast man or a thigh man?

thanksgivingholiday-themed

Come over to my place and I'll show you my Lucky Charms.

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

Would you mind holding my place in line I want to

black-fridayholiday-themed

Want to be part of my costume? I’ll let you under my sheets. (Ghost)

halloweenholiday-themed

If you didn't want to sit at the kids' table then you shouldn't have seen the new Twilight movie.

thanksgivingholiday-themed

If you can tell me the difference between Flag Day and the 4th of July, I will buy you a drink. If you can't tell me the difference between Flag Day and the 4th of July, I will also buy you a drink.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

You look so boo-tilicious!

halloweenholiday-themed

Hey, do you want to go on an Easter egg hunt? I'm sure you'll find something surprising in my pants.

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

If I was a turkey, I'd be doing everything I could to taste terrible right now.

thanksgivingholiday-themed

My lips are like the Blarney Stone. Kiss them for good luck and the gift of the gab.

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

Hey, my parents are out of town. That means we have the haunted mansion all to ourselves.

halloweenholiday-themed

You can take me home tonight, but only if Yuletide-y up your place.

christmasholiday-themed

It's big, like my signature.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

Please, Lady, come home with me. You never know what I'll turn into, at midnight!

halloweenholiday-themed

Don't worry, those warts on my face aren't anywhere else.

halloweenholiday-themed

We don't hide the crazy. I parade with them down the street.

mardi-gras-pick-up-linholiday-themed

Those aren't sugar plums dancing through my head, it's all you.

christmasholiday-themed

You must be a Snickers, because you satisfy me.

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

I had baked beans last night, it was not a pretty scene in my bathroom. Talk about the Boston massacre! Anyway, want to make out?

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

Easter! I hardly even knew her.

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

I contributed some fur to Letterman's hairpiece

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

You don't need a permit to search my pants and seize whatever you find.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

The skeleton over there didn’t have the guts to get your number for me, so here I am.

halloweenholiday-themed

Are you a store Black Friday flyer? Because you turn me on.

black-fridayholiday-themed

I gave up hotties for Lent. Thank God Easter is here.

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

Are you a Bud Light Lime? Cuz you look like a guilty pleasure.

cinco-de-mayoholiday-themed

You have trickled down into my heart.Ronald Reagan

presidents-dayholiday-themed

My ears are not the only things that are long!

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

Yow, St. Pat must have chased all the snakes to this place.

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

Nice to meet you, I'm Bunny. Easter Bunny and you are…gorgeous!

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

Hey babe, I'd like to explore your world.

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

I have a district that has been underrepresented in Congress with you, but the 23rd Amendment now says I need to be let in.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

What's a nice ghoul like you doing in a crypt like this?

halloweenholiday-themed

Have you had enough champagne to believe I'm handsome yet?

new-yearholiday-themed

Don't tell anybody, but I have a fridge full of Shamrock shakes back in my apartment, I'm taking one person at a time.

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

Here's my corollary to the Monroe Doctrine: Speak softly and carry my big stick.Theodore Roosevelt

presidents-dayholiday-themed

Inheriting eighty million chocolate eggs doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart.

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

Wanna play carnival? You can sit on my face, and I'll guess how much you weigh.

mardi-gras-pick-up-linholiday-themed

Til death do us part and then some dear. (Frankenstein)

halloweenholiday-themed

Black Friday = Broke Saturday.

black-fridayholiday-themed

Boy: Because I'm so loss without you!

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

Girl, you're so beautiful. I'd cross the Delaware River to be with you. Or even the Raritan River.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

To the girl not wearing a costume: Lucky girl, you don’t need Halloween. You look like an angel every day.

halloweenholiday-themed

I am crazy about you like how I am sucker for Black Friday shopping,

black-fridayholiday-themed

Presidents do it for four years in a row.

presidents-dayholiday-themed

My real costume is at home in a box under my bed.

halloweenholiday-themed

You make my pants want to get up and Riverdance.

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

Hey there, ever done it in a cardboard box? (Hobo)

halloweenholiday-themed

I'm "Dublin" my efforts to get you to go out with me.

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

Is that a magic wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

halloweenholiday-themed

My peg-leg’s ribbed for your pleasure.

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

No need to get up for seconds! I’m more than happy to let you gobble off of my plate!

thanksgivingholiday-themed

Is that a shark in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

I play the field, and it looks like I just hit a home run with you.

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

Did you ask Santa for a rhino this year? Because you look like you could use something horny.

christmasholiday-themed

Thomas Jefferson would have wanted this.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

You make me feel like I'm the Republic of Ireland because since I started looking at you, my penis is Dublin.

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

Girl: Is that a highlighter in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

Is that a po boys in your pants or are you just happy to see me?

mardi-gras-pick-up-linholiday-themed

Shouldn't you be on top of the tree, Angel?

christmasholiday-themed

You know what they say, "The longer the term..."Franklin D. Roosevelt

presidents-dayholiday-themed

Oh I see you have ashes… want to join me in giving up singleness for lent?

mardi-gras-pick-up-linholiday-themed

Are you seaworthy? Because I’m going to ride you till dawn.

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

I'm against slavery, but I do love bondageAbraham Lincoln

presidents-dayholiday-themed

So how long have you been the government’s foxiest employee?

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

Baby, you remind me of the constitution, because you look like a national treasure

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

Wanna see my little green thing?

halloweenholiday-themed

Hey the alcohol's back! Now let's get drunk and screw.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

Hey. You know the phrase ‘screwing like rabbits'? I think you and I can do better, want to try.

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

I can tell you're quite the elf-a male.

christmasholiday-themed

We have a lot of chemistry. Right now, we're both working on a little something I like to call 'electricity.'

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

You look great in those knee-high socks, they highlight your weird calves.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

Wow, You must be the pretty princess the evil queen is trying to get rid of.

halloweenholiday-themed

Come over on Black Friday. We can have sex and left-over from Thanksgiving dinner. Did I mention my mom is a great cook.

black-fridayholiday-themed

My best toys run on batteries.

christmasholiday-themed

You’re the only treat I want in my sack this Halloween.

halloweenholiday-themed

For a sailor, you seem so grounded.

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

I have got your love on Loch.

halloweenholiday-themed

Mardi Gras reminds me how much inflation changes things. Beads used to buy you the island of Manhattan, now you only get two coconuts.

mardi-gras-pick-up-linholiday-themed

Baby girl, I saw you talking to that guy over there. Don't. There's a going concern that he has significant control deficiencies.

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

Hey baby, you’ve captured my eye. Could I have it back? It’s the only one I’ve got, to fall in love with you at first sight.

halloweenholiday-themed

Good thing I’m here, it has to be illegal to look that good. (Policeman)

halloweenholiday-themed

The only sweet I want for Valentine's Day is a cutie pie like you!

valentines-dayholiday-themed

You must be tired, because you’ve been running through my nightmares all night!

halloweenholiday-themed

Can I buy you a Easter Egg or do you just want the money?

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

Hey babe, I'd like to celebrate my holiday with you.

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

Let's put the third X in Dos Equis.

cinco-de-mayoholiday-themed

Columbus discovered the new world; I want to discover your body.

columbus-day-and-sailorholiday-themed

Do you like cats? Because I'd like you to take meowt for Valentine's Day.

valentines-dayholiday-themed

I'm celebrating Cinco de Mayo by puking tequila and gorditas on the side of a Taco Bell.

cinco-de-mayoholiday-themed

Why don't you come catch a leprechaun with me. Maybe together we'll get Lucky!

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

Wanna ring in the New Year with a bang?

new-yearholiday-themed

I hope we stay together forever. Let's knock on wood. Here, use my teeth!

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

How about you show me peace on Earth and I'll show you good will toward men?

christmasholiday-themed

I love you pumpkin!

halloweenholiday-themed

Wanna sneak out behind the 'hedge' and play with my financial instrument?

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

I did not have sexual relations with that woman. But I will have them with you!Bill Clinton

presidents-dayholiday-themed

If you were a reindeer, you'd be Cupid, because your friend is looking fine tonight. Can you introduce me?

christmasholiday-themed

Since I'm all about chocolate, how 'bout a little sugar?

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

They said "Go west, young man." I say "Go south, young lady."James K. Polk

presidents-dayholiday-themed

Hi, Santa said you wished for me. Good choice.

christmasholiday-themed

Let's get out of here and explore the North Pole. I'm a rebel without a Claus.

christmasholiday-themed

The 15th Amendment gives the right to vote to anyone with a penis…I'll loan you mine.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

Can I be your new year's wrecking ball?

new-yearholiday-themed

Take me home tonight, and I guarantee you'll see an extraordinary item.

tax-day-accountantholiday-themed

Wanna see my Trojan Horse? (Greek)

halloweenholiday-themed

I'm Irish! Do you have any Irish in you? Would you like some?

irish-st-patricks-dayholiday-themed

Ever get it on with a rodent?

easter-easter-bunnyholiday-themed

Wanna try something I'm working on. I call it love potion number 69.

halloweenholiday-themed

My New Year's resolution is you.

new-yearholiday-themed

My corn always wear a husk.

thanksgivingholiday-themed

Hey babe, want to go sailing over my bounty main?

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Cupid called. He says to tell you that he needs my heart back.

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Probable Headline: "1000 Americans killed trying to get twinkies on Black Friday."

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Wow, that's one fantastic spread!

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If you play your cards right, you might be the one who sucks tonight. (Vampire)

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My flag will never fly at half mast as long you're around.

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You're so hot it makes me nervous. The hair on my arms are standing up, but not the hair on my head. Hey, have you ever made out with a powdered wig?

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Hi, I'm the Easter Bunny and I don't care if you are naughty or nice!

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I'd wait for days, in the freezing cold, just for you... and a new TV.

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Do you know it's unlucky to be so good looking and not have anyone to kiss at midnight?

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Baby, you must be German... Because you sure started the battle of my bulge.Dwight Eisenhower

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Girl, I'd dig through a $5 DVD bin for your favorite movie on Black Friday if it'd win your heart.

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If you don't sleep with me, the leprechauns have already won!

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So, technically we’re not blood related, right? Because those juicy breasts are making me hungry!

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Girl : "But you barely even know me"

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Is that a snake in your pants or are you just happy to see me?

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How much does a polar bear weigh? [How much?] Enough to break the ice… Hi, I'm Easter Bunny!

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I’m the opposite of a turkey… I cook for four and a half hours after my timer pops!

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Well, ye caught me, lass! Now I can grant ye one wish, as long as it involves sex.

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Do you wanna ride my mayflower?

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Excuse me, Miss, could you sign for this package? (UPS Guy)

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I just had to come talk with you. Sweetness is my weakness.

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I can show you exactly how to earn your income tax credit.

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My horrible boyfriend’s got me at the end of my rope. Can you throw me a pickup line?

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Black Friday is when I drive to the local KFC for a gang bang.

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How about I get you an Easter egg tomorrow morning. Do you want it chocolate or fertilized.

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I'd definitely let you join in my reindeer games.

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Nice 'boot'.

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I'll have to credit you for my asset depletion

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Are you a frozen margarita? Cuz you just made my brain stop working.

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Would you like to try some of this dark meat?

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Be my valentine! Yes You CanBarack Obama

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My last name is Harding.Warren G. Harding

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Girl, after tonight, I won't be the only one needing a wheelchair.Franklin D. Roosevelt

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I must be hunting treasure because I’m digging your chest.

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I "Cinc"-o you should take off your pants.

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Remember, Columbus didn't actually discover America, it was Kanye.

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There are plenty of fish in the sea, but I’m the only single one in this bar. Wanna make out?

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Well you caught me lassie! Now I can grant ye one wish, as long as it involves a date!

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Let me see your Mexican HOT dance.

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I'm a man without a country. Can I be a citizen of you?

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I'll do your process.

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The milk and cookies at my place taste good for breakfast, too.

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Are you being a ghost for Halloween, or are you just my boo?

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Oh my, you look dead, sexy. (Zombie)

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Tricks aren’t really my thing. But you’re sure a treat.

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Hey babe, want to play explorers and Indians?

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That's a nice shirt. Can I tax you out of it?

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I'll be celebrating Black Friday in my traditional way.... by completely ignoring it.

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because under my health care plan, 100% of your hospital costs will come directly from a special account set up by the government.Barack Obama

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You make me caliente.

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My striped stockings would look great on your bedroom floor.

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You make me melt like hot fudge on a sundae.

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Hey babe, you're the first person I want to be with in a shipwreck.

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Lady, you make my pants file for an extension.

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Let's fill out a 1040 — you're a 10, and I'm 40.

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If all three of you come home with me, I'll name my ships after you.

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Do you know what I did last night? I put Easter eggs in a heart shape for you to find!

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Anyone can buy you a drink. I'd like to buy you dinner. 

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Hey Baby, wanna find out why they call me Pumpkin-Head?

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Did you know what a real Irishman wears under his kilt? Nothing … Irishmen don't wear kilts.

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Don't you try to claim an exemption, I saw you staring at me across the room.

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Is that a shillelagh in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

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To a pirate: That’s quite a booty you’ve got there.

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Hey, how bout you increase your charitable contributions by handing me your digits?

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Can I get your cell so I can text you a New Year's kiss?

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My Trial Balance just won't balance without you

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I have a thing for butterballs.

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Life is too precious to worry about! Let's celebrate.

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Happy Valentine's Daaaaaaaayum.

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Dowwwwwwn periscope!

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You are like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts.

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I'm sorry I didn't get you a box of chocolates for Valentine's Day, but if you want something sweet, I'm right here.

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Guy: Your feet tired? Because you've been running in a straight line in my mind all day along.

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When I give you my hand in marriage, it will take on a literal meaning that nobody expects. (Frankenstein)

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Technically, having sex with me is a charitable gift.

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Whooo! Party like it's 1933!!!!

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I've got a sea monster in my pants!

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Sorry I didn't get you a box of chocolats for valentines day but if you want something sweet and smoot I'm right here.

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Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I tell Cupid to shoot you with that arrow one more time?

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Let's do it in Philadelphia.

fourth-of-july-independence-dayholiday-themed

How'd you like to help put the Irish Spring back into me shillelagh?

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Wanna go for a drive with me and forty of my friends?

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Bourbon is a food.

mardi-gras-pick-up-linholiday-themed

Do you want to see two balls drop?

new-yearholiday-themed

You put the Model in Negra Modelo. Or maybe just the "O." I'm too drunk to tell.

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I wish I were the Speaker of the House and you the President Pro Temp of the Senate so I could be above you in the “order of succession.”

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I'm not Santa, but you can sit on my lap.

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You've already had seven Irish car bombs (Green beers)? Brilliant!

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There is a good reason why there are so many rabbits, baby!

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Hey sailor, you’re the coke to my cola!

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If I were a snowman, I'd melt standing next to you cause you're just too hot for me to handle

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Are you dressed up as Beyonce? Cause you look Boo-ti-licious

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I swear I am disease free.

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If you were a president, you'd be Babe-raham Lincoln.Abraham Lincoln

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If you think I’m hot now, wait until you see what I turn into at midnight.

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You're like a Valentine's candy bar: half sweet and half nuts.

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Come sit on my lap. I've got a special gift just for you.

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That’s a nice pussy; the costume is pretty good too. (Black Cat)

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Hi, I'm Mr. Right. I heard you were waiting for me.

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I've got some wicked feelings brewing for you.

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Sir : Hey madam, your assets are materially overstated.

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